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| Looks like the sun forgot to rise on this new day of they year... |
Putting away all that needs to be done... Appraisals, reports and more -- all from work of course.
Sure, I'm very well aware of th consequences and probably be cursing myself as deadlines draw nearer by the hour. But there is little that can be mustered up as I'm actually typing out the state of my procrastination now...
2020 has been a shitty year for many people. Not something I need to feel all morose and add on here. But it's really more of a reflection this whole year with lots of time in solitude, sucking thumbs while pondering that puts a perspective on many things, often with abysmal despair.
I should be happy.. when many lost their job and here I am, having more to do than ever. Yet I can only look on with a very distant gaze.
Thought the notions of many things pondered had been squared away years ago, like, Death. But I'm beginning to realize, when one is down, another will rear its ugly head. Or sometimes certain things just never really have a solution. Fear is always at the center of our existence. It's fear that drives us but also stopping us from moving forward.
Then there is the problem of extremes-- how much do we want. How much do we need. And for some, there comes a point of "understanding" we don't really need a lot and start paring down in life. Only to come to a point where the mental state reaches the equivalent of not being satisfied by having more.
It is a similar state of unhappiness because of our expectation of the future. So from going from having more than needed, to living without excess, are we all just chasing that state of equilibrium to rest the mind?
Today I come up with the conclusion-- if it's a yes to the above question, then it's all a lost cause.
Living with having more-- doesn't make me happy. Yet now living with less--- doesn't bring happiness either.
It's just what it is. Something I have adapted to and probably will continue rather than going back to a more "normal" less minimalist lifestyle.
But the fact is-- Minimalism is not doing squat to bring happiness anymore. Living with less is more about functionality.. Lesser things to take up more of our time. Lesser things to think about. Just a functional way of living (for some).
When it all first started - -like most things, its a journey. We discover new things in all journeys. There were memorable moments- -translated as happiness? If it is then it's only temporary, just like all other things in life... like our hobbies, love, which then comes commitment and more...
At some point we all get dragged down mentally. With material things and commitment-- we can eliminate them off. Commitments can be reduced and removed by paying off as soon and not committing anymore. Material things can be halted from becoming more by not buying and then selling or giving away what's in your possession. But what happens when all that is done? Zilch, nada.
And thankfully I haven't done stupid thing like getting rid of everything I haven't used in a while which some rabid Minimalist guru would no doubt have you do. Else the joy of blissful pedaling would not have happened yesterday...
Much as it seems I am "against" Minimalism today, the very place I found something that aligns with my thoughts ironically came from "The Minimalists" podcast 2 weeks ago
The rest before and after-- they are rambling on in their usual not so minimalistic ways but this part caught my attention starting around 4:12 in the video: "This word hope...... I think this word hope tethers us to a future ....and whenever we are tethered to a future, we crave..."
Hope, whether by amassing or elimination processes in one's life therefore is not a solution
Coincidentally I was reading up on the Middle Path of Buddhism last nite... and comparing how my thoughts actually aligns with the principles from there, it was uncanny how close my thinking was when stacked beside what I read. The funny thing is I have never read too deeply into these before so it was sort of an amazement to myself to ponder whether have I stumbled onto enlightenment -- or maybe something close? :)
There are many sects and each come up with their own interpretation of the Middle Path. I don't subscribe to any one sect as the preference is to be free of any ritualistic or customary practices which in my opinion only serves to dilute the primary teachings. And no, I still don't consider myself a Buddhist. To me that would be just a label.
Now, everything seems to resonate together with this podcast as well. The Middle Path to be taken is the one that is still to negate desires but not to the extreme of any self-mortification or obsessive denial.
At this point it wraps up the question I asked a long time ago in Philosophy class "If the path is a negation of desires.. then isn't the negation of desires itself the biggest/ central desire in one's life". This is not the first time admitting my ignorance, in fact the article below this, almost 2 years ago was touching on the same. But I guess I can finally put an end to a 30 year old question I once asked myself with a further awareness stacked upon that earlier awareness reinforcing my views and thoughts by now
In summary? -- It's all about moderation. Ok at least for now until the day that I might find moderation and being in the Middle just as pointless as extremes.... Hopefully not though.
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